Pulling Teeth: More Adventures in Vacation Planning with the Goblin King

You'll all recall that about three weeks ago now, I wrote a blog about trying to settle the children's summer vacation with the Goblin King.  As you all know how cooperative he is, of course that went extremely well and we have the vacation done and settled.

Yeah.  Right.  Had you there for a minute, didn't I?

The Dreaded IEP Review

The long awaited IEP review for Puck happened yesterday.  For those of you who need some review:

• Diagnosis: Dysgraphia - Struggling Against my Ex AND the System 
• Do My Children Need Therapy? A DivorcedMother's Worries 
• Nature vs. Nurture: How to combat a predisposition to mental illness when co-parenting with a narcissist  

Now that you're caught up, the school called about a week ago and asked if it was "OK" to have the annual review together with The Goblin King.  I had, of course, anticipated this would be an issue, and already told them that my husband would be joining me (he's my muscle for these types of meetings).  I reminded them in the phone call that my husband would be joining me, and if it was OK with the Goblin King, it was OK with me.  (It's not really, it's never productive, but I don't want to look like the one who isn't trying).  Building up to the meeting, my husband and I had a strategy session that basically went like this - as soon as the Goblin King acts up, we request to have the meeting alone with just the "adults" present.

5 Tips on How to Cope With High Conflict Co-Parenting

I know a number of very lucky women who after divorcing or leaving their child's father, either had him drop off the face of the planet, or who have a wonderful post-divorce relationship with their ex.  Both groups are able to parent their children both with the same goal - ensuring that their children grown and develop into fully functional adults without the baggage from their parent's divorce ruling their lives.

The women in the first category may have a difficult time of it - money worries likely being one of the most important outcomes.  However, those are the lucky women who get to make all the decisions without interference.  Of course, they also have to take on all the consequences - but if done right, these women can mould fully functional adults without the pressure of a difficult co-parenting relationship.

8 Tips to Survive Divorcing a Narcissist

Feel like your sanity is on the edge as you leave your narcissist partner?

No doubt about it - the road ahead is more difficult for you than most entering the family court system. These tips will help to make your journey a little less difficult.

Read more on DivorcedMoms.com.

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Not all wounds are visible: Insights into marriage with a narcissist

Today I read a Facebook post on the page  "After Narcissist Abuse - There is Light, Life and Love".  It was a list of the things that narcissists do.  It suggested that "when you leave, he'll invent stories about you."  It rang true with me.  But the narcissist in my life started inventing those stories long before I left.  For years and years.  He'd blame me for whatever problem he felt wasn't his fault.  Because it never, ever was his fault.  

Liar, Liar Part Two - Extended Edition

I hope at least some of you will recall the story I set out in my blog a couple of weeks ago - Liar, Liar - More Tales on Co-parenting with a Narcissist.  I described how my ex forgot about a school holiday and forgot to pick up the children.  I described how I texted him, and as I had nothing on for the day, agreed to wait at home until he came to pick them up.  I also described how he lied, suggested that his car wasn't working, and then it magically worked when I said I wouldn't drive them to his.

What I didn't mention in the last blog was that I got a subsequent e-mail, after the event, suggesting that it wasn't his fault, his car really wasn't working.  Which would suggest that he knew about 45 minutes before he was to pick the children up that he knew he wouldn't make it on time.  And that he didn't text or call or anything until after I texted him at 9 am.  A full 45 minutes after he was supposed to arrive.  So to be clear - he's not a liar.  His car really wasn't working.  No.  He's not a liar.  He didn't forget.  He's just an asshole, because he didn't let me know, and left his kids (and me) sitting for an extra hour and a half.  With no phone call.  Yes.  That's the better story.

Ignorance is not Bliss: How Do You Teach Someone Who Cannot Learn?

I've said before that my eldest son, Puck, has a learning disability.  And my headline might be a little misleading in this regard.  My son can learn.  And given the right environment, with some accomodation, he actually learns very well.

The person who doesn't learn is his father.  He hasn't learned that negative feedback to a child with learning disabilities just lowers their confidence.  He hasn't learned that he is fairly consistently the source of negative feedback to my son.  

Acyrologia - A New Diagnosis for My Ex

I've written in past blog spots about the myriad of issues my ex-husband has been diagnosed with, and the others that he likely suffers from even though he hasn't been diagnosed.

Until today, I haven't mentioned the one that irritates me the most.

You'd think it would be the frequent hand washing due to his issues with germaphobia (and OCD).  Or maybe his inability to tell right from wrong (resulting from his narcissistic tendencies) and his frequent issues with truth telling.

The Lowest Point of my Divorce

For today, I thought I would share with you the lowest point of my divorce.  My daughter was about three months old, I'd left my ex when I was six months pregnant.  He was at the hospital when she was born and I'd done my best to keep him involved with her, although I was breastfeeding at the time, so it was difficult.  But even with the difficulties we were having, I allowed him in my home to spend time alone with her, we'd go for walks to the park with both children and to get groceries.  We even went to the fair together.  I made it clear that my sole interest was ensuring he spend time with both of our children, and stood back on some of these occasions to let him take the lead (lest he think it was some kind of opportunity to rekindle the relationship).  

I Will Do Better Next Time

I started this blog to help me to come to terms with my out of control co-parenting issues.  It was supposed to help me to hold my tongue with my ex - because I'd done all of my ranting here.

But yesterday, I didn't do that.

Waiting for the Piano Plane

Does you have a crazy making ex?  Do you have fantasies about fate removing him or her from the picture forever?

In my house, we call it waiting for the piano plane.

Read my article at DivorcedMoms.com.

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"Why Can't You Live with Daddy?" and Other Questions with Impossible Answers

Sometimes I wonder if I try a little too hard to keep my children from the conflict between myself and their father.  Our little family was broken for a long time, and it continues to be so.  It's very difficult to deal with someone who has so many mental health issues in general, let alone co-parent with them.  Especially when they continue to be undiagnosed and untreated.  But I do my best to keep the children from the conflicts between myself and their father.  

My six year old little Flower, when I'm putting her down to sleep, occasionally still asks "Why can't you live with Daddy?"

Oh...such a loaded question.  With such an adult answer.  How do you reply?

Liar, Liar - More Tales About Co-Parenting with a Narcissist

Sometimes, it's just easier to play into a narcissist's lies.  I'll admit it.  I'm guilty of it on more than one occasion.  If I was dealing with a "normal" co-parent (and by that I mean someone who had all the marbles in the right place), we could have a free exchange of information about the children, their lives, and the custody exchange.

But I'm not dealing with a "normal" co-parent.  So, sometimes, I have to play the game.  Or maybe "have to" isn't the right words.  Sometimes, it's just easier to play the game.  In some cases it works in my favour.

Diagnosis: Dysgraphia - Struggling Against my Ex AND the System

My son was experiencing some difficulties learning to read.  He had been in the same day care since age 1.  When I left my ex he was 2 and a half.  My ex worked 12 hours shifts, and given the extreme tension at the time, I gave in to his request to take my son out of care early on the days he was off.  And then he started to get him there late on the other days.  It was difficult on those days for him to get a consistent amount of time with his preschool teachers.  And there was a lot going on with lawyers and my new daughter and everything else.  I knew there were some issues with his learning.  He could sing the alphabet song but didn't seem to grasp the relationship to written letters.  His teachers pointed to a speech issue - so I arranged speech therapy.  He figured out how to count and seemed to be able to handle basic math.  I was working with him at home on his letter identification.

Follow Your Own Path

Okay.  Deep breath time.  I've just packed the kids off to school and back to their father's for a few days.  I have not divulged thus far too much about my ex.  This blog is supposed to be about helping me to work through my issues, and to give you some inspiration to keep positive about life.  I strive very hard to do that - not only for myself, but also for my children.  My mantra has to be joy.  I have so many reasons to be joyful - my children - two by my ex, one by my life love.  Having found my true other half.  Being alive and breathing.