I Blinked - And You Turned 10

I've been lamenting of late that my children are growing too fast.  My eldest just turned ten a few Friday's back.  It all seems to be slipping away...

I wrote about it today on The Mid.  Bring tissues.

Image Credit (Edited): Photostock / freedigitalphotos.net

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40 Pieces of Advice for My Children on the Eve of My Fortieth Birthday

I’m turning forty this week. I've decided that I’d like to give my children forty pieces of advice that I've absorbed in the past 14,610 days (thank you WolframAlpha).

Come over to Sammiches and Psych Meds to see my advice.

Ryan McGuire / imcreator.com

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How Was Your Week? #10Thankful

I was admonished for my first TToT for getting excited and posting too early.  Well...who could blame me.  I was excited to be part of such a fantastic group - AND I joined just before the 100th.  I almost peed my pants as I hit publish.

This is my third TToT and I'm much more mature now.  I peed before I started writing.

#1000Speak Compassion for the Earth!

It was a brutally long winter where I live.  Most of the people who live here hibernate in the winter - Hubs braved the cold three times daily with the dog - but in the land where Costco thinks that dog poop has a "season", he was pretty much the only one out there.  We know it's spring out here now because Hubs found a large display of poop bags at the local Costco...and people are now out and walking their dogs - and their children.

Co-Parenting with a Bully

I've been feeling very frustrated and “stuck” for the last couple of months.  I think it’s the Christmas kerfuffle that did it to me.  I feel like I’m constantly fighting.  

Let's be clear - my ex is a bully.  Plain and simple.  He's very insecure and tries to assert himself in the only way he knows how - by making everything a power struggle.

I consciously try not to engage.  But he draws me in over and over again.  He won't let things go, and he will not stop until I concede.  And I won't.  I can't.  

But I’m spent.  It’s like there’s a never-ending war and I’m stuck right in the middle.  I'm always working to keep the children out of it.  To allow them an innocence.  To let them enjoy their childhood.  

Maybe Christmas Doesn't Come From a Store

I know that ironically, this is among the First WorldProblems that I described last Friday, however, I’ve had a very difficult time deciding what to get my children for Christmas this year. 

Why I Should Never Have Had Children

OK...so my title is a bit of a misnomer.  I have three beautiful children.  I deal with headaches from the father of two of them regularly.  But I would NEVER, EVER wish them away because I don't want to deal with them.  All three of them are a spectacular gift.  Two of them from a man who has so many issues with "giving" that I should be thankful to have them.

Fun and Games: Co-Parenting and Extracurricular Activities

While our custody schedule has resulted in a lot less headaches since it was implemented, it does mean that I have the children on different days every week.  

My ex works a blue collar job - and has to do shift work.  That means he's on a rotating shift schedule of 12 hour day and night shifts.  This contrasts of course with my nine to five.  Ideally, the schedule would be based on my schedule, meaning I would get to spend my non-work days (weekends) with the children.  Unfortunately, in order to make everything "equal", the arbitrator chose to base the schedule on his schedule - and instead, he has the children every day he has off.  So the children are with me Monday, Tuesday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday and then Wednesday, Thursday rotating every two weeks.

Business Attire for the Working Mom

The one thing about being a working mother is - no matter how hard you try to leave the house without some bit of something on your clothing, you can't.

It must be some weird physics thing - there's like a vortex or something from the moment you put on new clean clothes.  

Oh - you can think you've left the house without a spot.  You can look yourself up and down and inspect...but the moment you get into work, there will always be that one guy who looks at you and says..."Did you know you have a little something right there?"

Coparenting: When Back to School Means Back to Conflict

The problem with negotiating a “one-size fits all” parenting agreement is that it’s impossible to anticipate what types of changes the children are going to experience as they get older.  The after summer transition to a new grade can be particularly trying as both parents try to adapt to new teachers, more homework, different lunches, different extra-curricular activities and new friends.

I’m managing thus far – but sometimes it seems like pulling off these transitions is a feat that’s just too much.  It seems my ex views the new school year as an opportunity for a new power struggle over one thing or another.

No More - When is it Time to Close the Door to More Children?

What better day to post this than Labor Day?

My ovaries are aching.  They have been for a few weeks.

I have three beautiful children.  Three.  I am one of the moms in North America who is keeping the "average" family size above 1.4 kids.  Three children is considered a "large" family where I live.  The average car is built for a family of four.  As is the average home.  Even dining room furniture.  I'm already one over the limit.  We just bought a bigger car.  I'm not sure what we're going to do about the table when Bae outstrips his high chair.

What's a European Vacation if You Don't Visit a Castle? - Our Day at Muiderslot

I've always felt that if you're going to go to Europe, not only do you have to immerse yourself in the culture, eat all the wonderful food - but you also have to absorb the history.  And the best way to do that is to visit historical places.  With this in mind during our trip to Holland, Hubs, Bae and I went to visit Muiderslot - a castle located at the mouth of the river Vecht, about 10 miles outside of Amsterdam.

Muiderslot - August 2014

My Life Needs a Laugh Track

Okay...okay.  I know that I said I'd always be open and tell my kids the truth when it came to sex and their questions.

But kids sometimes ask questions that you don't expect - right?  

My niece was up this week (my sister lives out of state and she comes for a week or two in the summer).  We were eating watermelon and she said - I used to think that a watermelon would grow in my stomach if I ate the seeds.

Crying Wolf in the Age of Social Media

"There once was a shepherd boy who was bored as he sat on the hillside watching the village sheep. To amuse himself he took a great breath and sang out, 'Wolf! Wolf! The Wolf is chasing the sheep!'"

Of course, the villagers come to his aid, more than once (as he found their response more amusing than tending sheep), and the result of his false alarms is that when an actual wolf shows up, no one will listen and the little liar gets eaten.  

The tale can be traced back as far as the writings of Ancient Greece.  The negative consequence is intended to teach children that honesty is important, and that false alarms will lead to people not believing you.  

Lucky to be a Member of the Purse Brick Mafia

So - ya'll know about my summer vacation scheduling adventures.  And if you've been reading, you also know about Puck's learning difficulties.  We have a tutor he visits every Friday and Sunday during the school year.  The Goblin King agreed to twice a week with the Parenting Coordinator because he thinks it was his idea.  

The tutor is a trained teacher - but because there's a bit of an oversupply here, she hasn't been able to find a full time teaching position.  She was working at Flower's day care, but quit last summer to focus on subbing and finding a full time teaching position.

Co-Parenting and Clothing Exchanges - A How NOT to Guide

Ugggghhh!!!  The Clothes!!

Go to Google and type "clothing exchange after divorce".  You'll find a number of frustrated parents (both men and women) who haven't been able to constructively solve this little issue.

I'll admit it.  I'm one of them.  It's one of those nitpicky things that for way too long, I haven't quite been able to let go.  

My children are with their father, the Goblin King, a full 50% of the time.  We each have a full wardrobe for them in our own homes.  I dress them in clothing from my home and prepare a list as part of our agreed e-mail exchange which I send to him.  I also return any clothing or items that were from his home on the last exchange.

You Can Walk the Walk - But Can You Talk the "Talk"?

I remember as a child, I'm not sure what age, but I remember it, so likely between eight and ten - I must have asked my mother a question about sex.  I don't know when it was, but I don't remember her answering it right away.  There was kind of an awkward silence.  And then she changed the subject.

The next day, I got home from school and being presented with a package of four textbooks about human development.  It was anatomically correct, very scientific and straight to the point.  She told me I could read the books and ask her any questions I wanted to - but it felt clear that the books were supposed to answer everything.

Life Lessons: Sticks and Stones May Break Bones - But Words Can Also Hurt You

Flower and Puck and I were walking with Bae in his stroller to school.  They were a little behind me and Bae. I'm not quite sure what Puck said, but I Flower was incredibly offended by it.  She does this quite often - melts down because Puck has said something.  Usually he's said or done something she deems "mean".  She cries and whines and yells and sobs.  

I've told her again and again, if she doesn't have that reaction every time, eventually he'll stop doing it.  He's looking for that reaction, I tell her, and she gives it to him every time.

Who Fills Your Bucket?

A few days ago, Flower's preschool had a tea in advance of Mother's Day.  One of the boys there, in Flower's class, I had just learned was destined to "marry" Flower (according to his mother).  I was a bit surprised.  I was aware that she's played with this particular little boy - as her father seems to have developed some sort of friendship of sorts with the boy's mother (who is also recently divorced).  But I wasn't aware of the marriage proposal.

So I asked Flower about it.  She laughed and said I was being silly, she's not getting married. 

No Wife? Get a New Red Car with Your New Life!

The Internet is rife with reports of men buying new cars after separating. MSN even has a list of "Top Ten New Cars for Divorced Dads" and there is advice galore about ensuring your new ride can't be included in the "proceeds of divorce" and taken by your wicked and vengeful ex wife.

I guess I was that wicked and vengeful ex-wife.  My ex bought his new car within weeks of our separation.  

Read more about it on DivorcedMoms.com.

Image Credit:  "Red Car" By MATAVI@ is licensed under CC BY 2.0. 

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