5 Tips to Manage a Difficult Co-Parent

Marital breakdown typically means that the relationship and your ability to communicate and parent with your soon-to-be-ex is at least partly impaired.  With time, some co-parents are able to put those feelings aside, but there are cases where one parent becomes disengaged, emotionally combative, or starts sabotaging their parenting relationship.  In these relationships, one of the parents is usually able to keep level headed, and wants nothing more than to put the children’s best interests before anything else.

Image Credit (edited): “Upset Boy With Pictures Of Parents” by David Castillo Dominici

You can read more at the Access Legal blog today with my tips on managing a difficult co-parenting relationship.

And if you live in Maricopa County in Arizona - you can  use the resources at Access Legal to be come a Legal Ninja!

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Co-Parenting and Sick Kids...

So...poor Puck has been feeling poorly since Saturday afternoon.  He's been mostly OK, taking in a normal amount of fluids, but not eating much, and a low grade fever.  Some minor vomiting.  But as today is a transfer day, I had to let my ex know last night as he'd have to make arrangements for Puck to come into his custody - it's his day.

This is the e-mail I sent:

Heads up - Puck has been feeling poorly since about noon yesterday. He's had a low grade fever, is feeling achy, is not very hungry and has thrown up twice. He's also complaining of headache.  He's managing to eat a little and is keeping up his fluids. He's also been very tired and sleeping a lot. I understand one of his school friends has been vomiting since yesterday as well - I suspect it's just a stomach bug.  Given it's after six now and he's still got a temperature, I don't want to send him to school tomorrow. Please confirm you're able to take him in the morning and I'll drop him to you before work.  If he still has a fever tomorrow he should likely see the doctor to check for signs of infection or other issues.

Letter to My Ex

This week, I was invited by Vicki Shemin, a Collaborative Attorney/Mediator/Therapist and Professor to participate in a survey about my divorce and write a letter to my ex (more info here) for inclusion in a book.  If you're recently divorced - I invite you to stop by and fill out the survey too.

My New Mission

I had an interesting thought the other night, as I sometime do (this is in between my regular night time discussion with myself about how weird it is that we have a room in all of our homes that we enter with the specific purpose of becoming unconscious for 6-8 hours every night.  Isn't it weird?  We are completely vulnerable - I don't know how any of us sleep.

But enough about my nighttime insomniac ramblings - I've digressed.

As you're all aware, I've tried my best to maintain a cooperative relationship with my ex - but the professionals we've been involved with have helped us to develop a parenting plan which minimizes our exposure to each other as much as possible.  Given my ex tries to ramp up the conflict at every meeting - it's better for both of us and for the children if we don't see each other.

Co-Parenting with a Bully

I've been feeling very frustrated and “stuck” for the last couple of months.  I think it’s the Christmas kerfuffle that did it to me.  I feel like I’m constantly fighting.  

Let's be clear - my ex is a bully.  Plain and simple.  He's very insecure and tries to assert himself in the only way he knows how - by making everything a power struggle.

I consciously try not to engage.  But he draws me in over and over again.  He won't let things go, and he will not stop until I concede.  And I won't.  I can't.  

But I’m spent.  It’s like there’s a never-ending war and I’m stuck right in the middle.  I'm always working to keep the children out of it.  To allow them an innocence.  To let them enjoy their childhood.  

My Mom's Divorce Diary

My parents divorced when I was fourteen.  I must admit - I was completely surprised - even though I lived in the house at the time.  My younger sister had a little more awareness.  I suspect it has something to do with entering the teenage years and the world revolving around me...

We didn't know a lot of people who were divorced.  There was a boy in my school who's parents had gotten divorced.  I remember the other kids didn't know how to deal with it.  There were a lot of whispers about him.  

And really - I thought my parents were happy.  It wasn't until I divorced that I talked to my mom about it.  She'd been unhappy for quite some time.  Kept a suitcase in her car for months.  And I had no idea.  We lived together.  And I had no idea.