Co-Parenting with a Bully

I've been feeling very frustrated and “stuck” for the last couple of months.  I think it’s the Christmas kerfuffle that did it to me.  I feel like I’m constantly fighting.  

Let's be clear - my ex is a bully.  Plain and simple.  He's very insecure and tries to assert himself in the only way he knows how - by making everything a power struggle.

I consciously try not to engage.  But he draws me in over and over again.  He won't let things go, and he will not stop until I concede.  And I won't.  I can't.  

But I’m spent.  It’s like there’s a never-ending war and I’m stuck right in the middle.  I'm always working to keep the children out of it.  To allow them an innocence.  To let them enjoy their childhood.  

Halloween: My Ex Is Into Tricks, Not Treats!

Your custody schedule probably contemplated all of the big holidays - but what about the small ones?

Today I'm over at DivorcedMoms talking about my issues with scheduling Hallowe'en with the Goblin King!

Image Credit:  (Edited) "Halloween In Blue" by Idea go / freedigitalphotos.net

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Fun and Games: Co-Parenting and Extracurricular Activities

While our custody schedule has resulted in a lot less headaches since it was implemented, it does mean that I have the children on different days every week.  

My ex works a blue collar job - and has to do shift work.  That means he's on a rotating shift schedule of 12 hour day and night shifts.  This contrasts of course with my nine to five.  Ideally, the schedule would be based on my schedule, meaning I would get to spend my non-work days (weekends) with the children.  Unfortunately, in order to make everything "equal", the arbitrator chose to base the schedule on his schedule - and instead, he has the children every day he has off.  So the children are with me Monday, Tuesday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday and then Wednesday, Thursday rotating every two weeks.

Liar, Liar - More Tales About Co-Parenting with a Narcissist

Sometimes, it's just easier to play into a narcissist's lies.  I'll admit it.  I'm guilty of it on more than one occasion.  If I was dealing with a "normal" co-parent (and by that I mean someone who had all the marbles in the right place), we could have a free exchange of information about the children, their lives, and the custody exchange.

But I'm not dealing with a "normal" co-parent.  So, sometimes, I have to play the game.  Or maybe "have to" isn't the right words.  Sometimes, it's just easier to play the game.  In some cases it works in my favour.

Why Parenting Coordination Didn't Work for Me

Co-parenting after divorce is difficult.  There's no two ways about it.  If you couldn't make the partnership work before the divorce, chances are there are irreconcilable differences in your parenting styles as well.  It's just a fact.

Some people have it easier than others.  If both parents are willing to put their differences aside for the sake of the children, you may be able to make it work.  If one parent distances themselves from the relationship, and limits the amount of time they see the children, it can also work.  But in this world where courts are working more and more in favour of both parents parenting 50% of the time, co-parenting cooperatively becomes more and more of an issue.

Diagnosis: Dysgraphia - Struggling Against my Ex AND the System

My son was experiencing some difficulties learning to read.  He had been in the same day care since age 1.  When I left my ex he was 2 and a half.  My ex worked 12 hours shifts, and given the extreme tension at the time, I gave in to his request to take my son out of care early on the days he was off.  And then he started to get him there late on the other days.  It was difficult on those days for him to get a consistent amount of time with his preschool teachers.  And there was a lot going on with lawyers and my new daughter and everything else.  I knew there were some issues with his learning.  He could sing the alphabet song but didn't seem to grasp the relationship to written letters.  His teachers pointed to a speech issue - so I arranged speech therapy.  He figured out how to count and seemed to be able to handle basic math.  I was working with him at home on his letter identification.

Follow Your Own Path

Okay.  Deep breath time.  I've just packed the kids off to school and back to their father's for a few days.  I have not divulged thus far too much about my ex.  This blog is supposed to be about helping me to work through my issues, and to give you some inspiration to keep positive about life.  I strive very hard to do that - not only for myself, but also for my children.  My mantra has to be joy.  I have so many reasons to be joyful - my children - two by my ex, one by my life love.  Having found my true other half.  Being alive and breathing.