The Nightmares Persist

I struggle the most with the dreams.

Nightmares.

It's always the same.

I'm still married to him.

We're in the house.

I can't leave.

I can't get out.

I'm suffocating, struggling for breath, clawing to get out, break the chains, see the sun, escape the darkness.

But I can't.  I'm stuck.  In the house.  In the marriage.  In that life.

I keep hoping that they'll end.  That my nightmare will end.  

I wake up to a new life.  With a new husband and a new child.  

But the nightmares remain.  I am stuck.  He won't be out of my life.  The contact is minimized in every way I can make it so - but I'm still stuck.  Often still suffocating.  Struggling for breath.  The waking nightmare persists.

But my children give me breath.  New life.  I can breathe for them.  I will breathe for them.  Break the chains.  

Image Credit:  "Woman Hands Tied With Chains" by adamr / freedigitalphotos.net

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Enjoy the Sun!

I was just reading another fantastic blog by my friend Kimberly at "All Work and No Play Make Mommy Go Something Something" (I reviewed her blog here.)  Her blog today is entitled "Mr. Sun", and she suggests: 

"I hate hearing people say “You shouldn’t be doing that” or “I thought that you couldn’t handle things like that” and it pisses me off. Just because my back is an asshole that doesn’t mean that I “can’t” do things or “shouldn’t” do things. I have good days and I take advantage of them. Life keeps keeping on just like I do. I am looking forward to all of this sun this weekend."

It certainly struck a chord with me.  As you all may know, I had a bad car accident a little over three years ago.  My leg was broken in over four places.  My knee was shattered.  I had seven hours in surgery three days after the accident, and then two more surgeries after that.  I was off my feet for over three months after the accident, and then two more months with the other two surgeries.  The surgeons did their best - but like Humpty Dumpty, my leg will never be the same.

How I Defeated the Goblin King (or, How De-Clutter Your Life in Five Simple Steps)

Step 1:  Get rid of the thing that is causing you the most stress - your husband.

OK.  So it doesn't exactly work that easily.  When you were considering leaving your ex, did you find that the clutter started to get overwhelming?  For me, it was like there was something in my life cluttering not just the rooms, but also my mind.  Sure there were spurts and starts where I'd get rid of a bunch of stuff.  But it all just seemed to cave in on me.  Like that scene in the movie Labyrinth.  There's a little junk lady puppet who tries her hardest to distract the heroine from her goal of reaching the Goblin King to save the child.  The real truth was - that "stuff" was holding her back.  She needed to realize that before she could move on with her life.