I am not a survivor.
Not in the sense that I'm not still among the living. I just hate that word. Survivor. Sounds like I was up against something completely insurmountable that most people never make it through. That I've been victimized. I'm not a victim. Not just that, but the term survivor also comes with an implication that your life is somehow less than it was or could have been before whatever it was you survived. I haven't been through anything so tragic that thousands of people aren't doing it every day. I made my choices, I do not regret. I accept and move on.
I'm a "survivor" of divorce.
I'm "surviving" having two kids to raise with a an ex who suffers from a variety of mental illnesses.
I "survived" a tragic car accident.
I "survived" PTSD.
I didn't just survive my divorce. I have thrived. I make my own happiness now, and I'm teaching my children how to make theirs.
I'm not just surviving co-parenting with my ex. I am succeeding. My children are growing up to be thoughtful, resilient, independent, intelligent members of society. With or without his help.
I didn't just survive a tragic car accident. I am not defined by my limitations - I am inspired by my abilities. No, I can't play the piano now. I can't climb the CN Tower again. Yes, I'm a heck of a lot more vigilant in the car now. Yes, if I see a car accident, I have flash backs. I couldn't play the piano before though. And I already proved to myself that I could climb that tower anyway. Being vigilant is an asset, not a debit. The flash backs aren't great, but each one is less vivid.
On to the next challenge. Throw it at me life.
I lived damn it. And I'm going to keep on living. My life isn't done yet. There is more. I am more. I will be more. I have goals. I challenge myself. My husband challenges me. My children challenge me. Life challenges me. I will come out on top.
Carl Jung said "I am not what has happened to me. I am what I choose to become."
I'm not a survivor. I am a challenger. Bring it on.
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