My Journey to Motherhood

I had two miscarriages with my ex prior to my pregnancy with my eldest.  I spent a lot of the pregnancy trying to do things I hadn't done in the previous two.  I somehow got it into my head that I'd done something "wrong" that caused the miscarriages.  Logically, I was aware that one out of every three pregnancies just doesn't work out, but I still felt that there was some component of "luck" or something else I couldn't quite put my finger on...

Sometimes I Wonder

My son was just over two when I left, and my daughter wasn't even born yet. I knew at the time that it was the best thing - and I still do.  However, the problem with leaving a situation like that when your children are too young to have formed any lasting memories is they get ideas.

I'm very, very careful to keep them as far from the conflict between their father and I as possible.  They have very little exposure to any animosity between my ex and myself.  And as a consequence, they simply don't understand why we can't live together.

Seven Ways I Knew He Was "The One"

If you've been reading my blog for a while, you know that I have learned the hard way that there are some relationships that are just...wrong.  Thankfully though, I've also discovered that there are also relationships that are just...right.

Looking back, I know there were signs in my first relationship.  Signs that I clearly ignored.  I don't know if I can prevent anyone else from learning things the same way I did, but I thought I'd make a list of how I know I'm with my perfect mate.

Six Things I Learned From Being in a Bad Marriage

I'm over at DivorcedMoms.com again today talking about all the things you can learn about yourself as you emerge from a bad marriage and divorce.  

Or you can check it out on The Huffington Post!

Image Credit: (Edited) "Yoga" by arztsamui / freedigitalphotos.net

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Guest Post at 4theLoveofMommy - Pass it On!

I've done a guest post at the new 4TheLoveofMommy site today.  Pop on over and take a look!

Image Credit:  (Edited) "Love Concept Background" by hyena reality / freedigitalphotos.net

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Finding Light After Darkness

I was out with a group of women the other day and got into a conversation about husbands - and how difficult it could be to work with someone.  One woman told a story of asking her husband to get a bottle for her while she was feeding their child.  She waited for quite some time, then called down again to him - and he finally came upstairs saying "I was playing a GAME."  She thought feeding their child was more important than the game and several days later - clearly still monumentally angry.  At the time, she snapped at him, but it seemed clear that she still hadn't communicated with him about how much it hurt her that he wasn't willing to put his game aside to assist her with caring for their child.

Two of the other moms came up with similar stories readily.  One said her mother overheard a disagreement and told her that "her husband needed a taking to."

Our Story: Marriage "After" Divorce

My divorce was long, difficult, and messy.  We'd discussed finalizing the paperwork, but my ex outright refused to pay his half.  "I'm Catholic.  I don't believe in divorce."

Yeah.  Catholic.  Right.

Anyway - everything was done except for the decree.  I didn't have the piece of paper that said I was completely and wholly apart from the man that I had married.

Celebrations, Anniversaries, and Being Together - Not Alone

There came a day about six years into my marriage, just after my ex celebrated his 40th birthday, when I realized his parents would have recently had their 40th wedding anniversary.  You might think this an odd thought.  Wouldn't I know?  Wouldn't there have been a celebration of this fateful event?  Why would I just realize it one day, like an afterthought?

It's an odd question for me to ask myself, even today.  My ex was born a little less than five months after his parents were married.  Yep.  My ex-monster-in-law was about four months pregnant, married at 18, and I'm reasonably certain that her tobacco farmer father had a shotgun there.

Naïveté and Marriage

Sooo...I've been in the Twitterverse for a few months.  Every once in a while, I search the word "divorce" to see if I can find some new resources for my divorced readers.  I've done it a few times - and I regularly find this statement or a variation on it:  

[Image Credit:  RottenECards.com]

Finding Your Favorite Flavour: Why I Should Have Waited to Marry

Deciding to marry is like trying to determine your favourite flavour of ice cream.  Our tastes mature and change as we get older.

Read more wisdom about when to wed in my guest post at DivorcedMoms.com.

Image Credit:  [fanpop.com]

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Avoiding Financial Pitfalls in a New Relationship

One of the failings of my first marriage was our approach (or rather lack thereof) to managing money.  I admit freely that I did not have a mature understanding of budgeting, and my ex, although he was much older than I, had learned to manage money by using his bank account until the money was gone, and then using the bank's money.

So, when my husband and I joined our two households, we were both very conscious of former relationships that hadn't worked out in part because of financial difficulties.  As we were exploring the idea of joining our two households, as a first step, I bought my husband the book "Smart Couples Finish Rich" by David Bach.  In the years after leaving my ex, I'd read a number of books about financial mangement including a number of books by David Bach, who has a very common sense approach to managing money.  I wanted to start my relationship with my new partner on a very strong foundation, and ensure that we were both working together with a common approach to financial management.

Many marriages fail because of inequities in income, failure to set and strive for common financial goals, lack of awareness of where the money goes, unequal division of financial chores.  Both of us had to some extent experienced those issues with former partners - and were determined not to enter our new relationship with the same old baggage.  Using some of the ideas David Bach suggests, we determined five simple ways to achieve that goal.  

The Divorce Whisperer: Have You Become "That' Girl?

Have you become a divorce mentor?  Not an official one, with a shingle.  I mean unintentionally - did you become someone that it seems that everyone who is contemplating/going through a divorce feels the need to speak to?  Sort of like the Divorce Yoda..."The divorce is strong with this one".   Or the Divorce Whisperer.