Learning to Let it Go

This morning, I am frustrated.

Can I blame the Goblin King?  Yes.

But truly, who's at fault?

Me.

I am the cause of my own frustration.  Because I'm not able to release my anger.  I know what he's like.  I know that he'll never change.  And I need to learn acceptance.  Because otherwise I end up feeling stressed.  And there's nothing I can do about it.  He's not going to change, no matter how many e-mails I send.  I was supposed to have accepted that when we stopped visiting the Parenting Coordinator.  That's why we stopped going.

I'll admit.  Sometimes it was a bit easier to deal with my ex when we had the Parenting Coordinator.  I could send her an e-mail (that cost $25), blow off some steam, there might be a few more e-mails back and forth in an attempt to come to agreement ($25 each), we'd discuss it in the next session (that cost $325), and I'd feel better.

The issue wouldn't be resolved.

My ex would agree to do something and not follow through the next time.

But in the short term, I felt better.

Until six months passed and the Parenting Coordinator got around to sending her $3000 bill.  And I realized that in addition to the fact that absolutely everything was the same as it had been before we accumulated the debt, we now had to pay $3000 for accomplishing nothing.

The latest?

Well, we agreed with the Parenting Coordinator that Puck needs to have a tutor for two hours a week.  You might recall I blogged about it just over a week ago. I was frustrated then too.

Puck's learning disability means that extra tutoring is especially important in the summer.  Because summer learning loss is a real thing.  And although he does typing lessons, reading, writing and math programs when he's with me, it's all fun and games at his dad's house.   Even the nightly reading is eschewed for nightly movie fests that run into the wee hours of the morning.

Of course, the tutor takes vacation time during the summer.  And she's entitled to.  But that means that she's away most weekends - because her beau only has weekends off.  And weekends are when Puck has his school year tutoring scheduled.  So the Goblin King thinks it's perfectly reasonable that even though the children are just sitting in front of his TV all week, because she's not available during the weekends, he can't reschedule during the week.

So...last summer, when we had the Parenting Coordinator, he agreed to ensure that he went twice a week, but then when she wasn't available on his regular weekends, didn't take him.  Could I make him take him?  No.

Did Puck experience summer learning loss?  A bit - but as I redoubled my efforts and took him sometimes three times a week (which, yes, did cost more), not as much as he could have. 

I figure the e-mails back and forth complaining that he wasn't living up to his agreement, the meetings where agreed and didn't follow through - all that cost me about $500 for the Parenting Coordinator alone.

This summer, the Goblin King agreed again (without the Parenting Coordinator this time) that he'd take him twice a week.  

And surprise - he's not.

We still have scheduled learning time at my house.  And I've done a couple of extra sessions with the tutor to make up.

But as far as I'm concerned, I just saved $500.

Why am I still frustrated?

You know what?  Last summer, I didn't experience summer learning loss.  I learned something.  That's why I decided not to continue with the Parenting Coordinator.

And now that I've recalled the learning, I know that I need to take the advice of my daughter's favorite movie.

It's not serving me to be frustrated.  It changes nothing.  And I need to Let it Go.

Photo Credit:  (Edited) "Sunflower Field And Balloon" by seaskylab / freedigitalphotos.net

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