The Nightmares Persist

I struggle the most with the dreams.

Nightmares.

It's always the same.

I'm still married to him.

We're in the house.

I can't leave.

I can't get out.

I'm suffocating, struggling for breath, clawing to get out, break the chains, see the sun, escape the darkness.

But I can't.  I'm stuck.  In the house.  In the marriage.  In that life.

I keep hoping that they'll end.  That my nightmare will end.  

I wake up to a new life.  With a new husband and a new child.  

But the nightmares remain.  I am stuck.  He won't be out of my life.  The contact is minimized in every way I can make it so - but I'm still stuck.  Often still suffocating.  Struggling for breath.  The waking nightmare persists.

But my children give me breath.  New life.  I can breathe for them.  I will breathe for them.  Break the chains.  

Image Credit:  "Woman Hands Tied With Chains" by adamr / freedigitalphotos.net

Follow Live by Surprise on Twitter, Google+, Facebook, Pinterest and Bloglovin

Not all wounds are visible: Insights into marriage with a narcissist

Today I read a Facebook post on the page  "After Narcissist Abuse - There is Light, Life and Love".  It was a list of the things that narcissists do.  It suggested that "when you leave, he'll invent stories about you."  It rang true with me.  But the narcissist in my life started inventing those stories long before I left.  For years and years.  He'd blame me for whatever problem he felt wasn't his fault.  Because it never, ever was his fault.