Monday, 15 December 2014

Four Years...to the Day

Four years ago today (December 15th), I had a very bad car accident.  I've written about it before:
Writing about it has given me some peace.  I struggle internally sometimes - because I don't like to be seen as week.  Sometimes I hold it in.  Like today.  I was in the car before I remembered the day and it's significance.  On the highway.  With my husband driving.

Four long years.  And I still remember the date every year.  It's like a wound that's healing - but it hurts each time you rip the bandaid off to clean it.

This year was a good year.  No surgeries.  The lawsuit finally got settled a few months ago.  Not a giant windfall, but enough to keep me comfortable.

Two weeks ago, I got a steroid injection in my foot.  So far so good.  For the first time in four years, I can over exert myself without paying for it later.  

There is though, one part of the story I haven't told.  Today, I'm going to let you in.

Two weeks before the accident, hubs and I went for a short romantic weekend trip.  It was just over an hour by plane.  About 15 minutes before the plane landed, I found myself quite short of breath.  

I suffered from childhood asthma.  Very mild.  As my lungs matured, the symptoms all but disappeared.  And when I did have them, it was usually triggered by over exertion and allergies.

The symptoms I was feeling that day - the tightness in my chest, struggling, concentrating to draw every breath - were very similar to asthma.  As my asthma presented typically when exposed to allergens or during activity as a youth, sitting on a plane, I was surprised at it's appearance.  I hadn't had an "attack" for years.  And I didn't have a puffer with me.

But as the plane set on the ground, the tension eased.  The compression loosened - and my lungs released.

At the time, I it odd.  I worried that it would present again on the flight home, but it didn't.  

And then, December 15th, I had the accident.  I spent several days in hospital before the surgery.  The night after the surgery, I was settled in a ward bed.  There were three other patients with one nurse in an office in the middle.  I carried an inhaler for my son in my purse (I haven't carried my own for years) - and the nurse got it for me.  For several hours, I had difficulty breathing - I think they assumed that I was having anxiety as a result of my traumatic injury, and that I'd had long term asthma.  When I finally disclosed that I was confused by the symptoms given they didn't usually present at rest, there was a sudden flurry of activity.  It was in the middle of the night.  They brought an x-ray to the room.

There was a blood clot in my lung.

I never saw pictures of it - but I know now how very dangerous it was.  The doctors assumed that the injury to my leg had caused the clot - and it traveled to my lungs (thank goodness) instead of to my brain.

But to this day, I'm not sure. I'm not sure that I didn't have the clot that day on the plane.  And that it lay, somehow dormant, until the accident made everything worse.  But it was already there.  By some miracle, I was in the hospital when it re-materialized.  And I had an incredibly astute nurse who figured out what it was.  

So in some way, the accident may have been a blessing.  Without it, I may not have gone to the hospital.  I may have written off my symptoms as asthma.  And I might not be writing about it today.

Celebrate with me my friends.  Life is mysterious and wonderful.  And we're all very lucky to be living it.


Image courtesy of khunaspix at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
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