I read a blog this week that has prompted me to do some thinking about blogging - and more specifically - about the blogs I read and support. The internet is a strange and wonderful place - home to a very diverse community of people. The question I had after reading the blog - is our "community" inadvertently supporting the wrong things? Are we providing a platform for bloggers that unwittingly gives them validation for doing the wrong thing?
By now, you'll all likely have read the tale of Lacey Spears. The internet news has dubbed her the "Mommy Blogger Killer". Undoubtably, given the information in the news, Ms. Spears has some fairly complex mental health issues. Leading up to January, 2014, it has been suggested that Ms. Spears made her son sick, and eventually killed him in order to win the favour of the Internet community.
Spears only wrote two blogs - neither of which mentioned her son's illness. She had a Twitter account, but that has not been active for several years. The internet news media has called her the "Mommy Blogger Killer" because she was active on Facebook and MySpace seeking attention related to her son's illness up until her son's death, and even though she wasn't an active blogger, she had a blog.
Although the facts of this case have yet to be proven, it does appear that Ms. Spears was suffering from a psychological disorder called Münchausen Syndrome by Proxy. Münchausen is a very rare and poorly understood mental health condition and it's cause is unknown. It usually involves a mother (very rarely a father) taking steps to make her child ill in order to get attention. To get the attention they crave, the sufferer may withhold the child's food, falsify fevers or other symptoms, provide drugs or foods that make the child vomit or have diarrhea - and in some cases, infect medical equipment or withhold medical treatment to make symptoms worse.
Children affected by this syndrome are often hospitalized with groups of symptoms that don't quite fit any known disease. In order to obtain a "diagnosis", the mother will insist the child have unnecessary tests, surgeries, or other uncomfortable procedures - but the real truth is the sicker the child gets, the more attention the mother gets (and demands) and more validated and confident she feels.
The parent gets off on being seen as a caring mother. The nursing staff appreciate her devotion and self-sacrifice to "help" her child get "well" - and this makes it even harder to detect. The mother thrives on the attention. In this case, it has been alleged that Spears turned to the internet for that validation. She made her son sicker to get the symptathy of the internet.
Type the keyword Münchausen into google news search and you'll see numerous hits. Each and every one of the mothers (and sometimes fathers) was seen as caring and devoted - until they were discovered. This is the first case I've seen that involved social media as part of the disease. I'm certain it won't be the last time we hear it.
Just after it hit the news, I read a blog by a fellow blogger who was disgusted, and understandably, a little bitter. It turns my stomach as well to think that this could have happened not only under the watch of the child's medical team, but that someone like me. The blogger pledged not to read blogs where moms could potentially exploit their sick children for "fame" (or infamy). She's going to remove anyone she deems to be in this category from her feed. I get it - I really do. She's afraid that by reading such blogs - if the mother/writer were to be unstable and she unwittingly gave her a platform, she would be complicit in the subsequent behaviour.
But at the same time - blogs like that can be a cry for help.
Just last week, you may have seen a the face of young girl named Victoria from Jackson, Miss. who had been attacked by a dog. Her story went viral after it was claimed that she had been asked to leave a KFC because she was "frightening" the other customers. And the internet responded - and chided KFC into paying the little girls medical bills. A GoFundMe campaign has also raised over $130,000 as of the date of this post.
Miles Scott (aka "Batkid"), a five year-old kindergartener and cancer survivor was splashed all over the internet in October and November of 2013. The Make-A-Wish Foundation wanted to fulfill his wish to be "Batkid" for a day. And the internet responded. Miles' request also spread virally on social media and by the night before the event over 12,000 volunteers ready to work on fulfilling Miles' wish. On November 15, 2013, in full costume, Batkid (Miles) took part in numerous staged crime scenarios, received the key to the city from San Francisco mayor Ed Lee, as well as special messages President Obama and other elected officials. Many representatives from law enforcement took part, and the city's main newspaper, the San Francisco Chronicle, published a special edition newspaper. Miles' Batkid legacy lives on - the publicity that Make-A-Wish received was priceless - and is now featured prominently on their website as part of their funding campaign.
There are so many stories like these ones. The internet gives a voice to the voiceless. The tired. The weak. The confused. The helpless. And as a community - we respond.
There are a Mommy Bloggers who turn to the internet for help, solace, and to vent about their children and their medical or other problems. I, myself, have blogged about my struggles to get my son's learning disability diagnosed and accommodated. I certainly have appreciated the advice and the encouragement I have received from the "blogging" community and beyond.
It's just impossible to know who or how or when something like this is going to happen. It's difficult in situations like this sometimes, but I try not to lose faith in humanity. If a few drops of the sea of humanity become tainted, the whole of the sea does not become tainted. There are honest, hardworking mommy bloggers out there - who are scared, seeking encouragement, validation - and most importantly - advice from others who have been there.
I understand people who are reluctant to give the wrong message. I understand people who don't want to inadvertently give a platform that might encourage behaviour like Münchausen. I understand, but I don't agree.
If she's reading, I would remind my vitriolic blogging friend that the internet can also be a powerful tool for change. There are groups on the internet who seek to find and punish those who would exploit the defenceless and uplift the powerless. There have to be good on the internet - to counteract the bad. I don't want the only people out there to be the trolls who would yell "jump" to a person on the edge.
As a community, we can listen. We can answer a call for help. It only takes one kind word. Just one person. To change a life. Maybe even to save one.
I'm not going to close my eyes and pretend they're not out there. I want to be there. To offer support. To do my part. To give back to the community that has given so much to me. It just takes one person to listen, provide encouragement, or attempt to understand. Extraordinary things can happen.
I could be that person. So could you.
I could be that person. So could you.
I have encouraged and will encourage those sharing their issues with parenthood. I have tried and will continue trying to support and strengthen those who have shared their journey with both physical and mental health issues. I have enjoyed both the sad and the fun stories of Mommy Bloggers. I have gone with them to the hospital, the doctor's office, the beach, a new house, on an airplane. I have been with them as they've had babies, struggled with the illness or death of a loved one, watched their children graduate and get married, recovered from a crime, made it through a divorce. I have listened. I have related. I have understood.
Instead of blocking people from your feed to avoid inadvertently giving them a platform - I encourage you to do the same. Listen.
Don't turn your back.
Welcome. Support. Uplift. Share. Help.
That's what makes it a community.
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| Image Credit (edited): arztsamui / FreeDigitalPhotos.net |
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