Guest Post: Update - I Still Hate My Job

If you're a regular reader, you've probably been wondering what happened to my anonymous blogging friend who was having job issues.  Thanks to you all for being supportive.  She's provided an update today.

Image Credit (edited):  stockimages / freedigitalphotos.net

It's been awhile since my original post about my nursing job.

I was really hoping for some good news for you.

First off let me say thank you for all of your positive responses about my story. I have to admit that I was worried that some people might be asses about my despair. That is however not why I was anonymous and why I continue to be. It's to protect my job and patient.

So calls were made and investigations done and I have to report that nothing has changed.

Sure I guess the cleanliness of the home was put first. Dishes were done, laundry taken care of and medications were ordered, but that only lasted so long.

I can't say I'm surprised. Not by the mother. 

I am surprised by the system. I probably shouldn't be, but I am.

When I first made the call, they immediately called me back within an hour and took down all the pertinent information and I expressed how urgent the situation was. I was not at work the day they came to visit and inspect. (I'm referring to Child Protective Services)

I did however hear second-hand from the other nurse about them being there and that at the end of their inspection they told the mom, "You really have nothing to worry about."

I can't even fathom what the fuck that means you guys. I mean, I spent a long time making the decision to report. I am not the type of person to make false claims or to report anybody for mundane stuff. This was my first time EVER reporting someone but it was my job as a nurse. I read over the legal definitions that required me to report trying, TRYING to find a loop-hole telling me that I was overreacting. I didn't find one. So I did what I'm legally obligated to do.

I feel so let down.

Things after a week turned into the norm again. It was like the system gave everyone this security that, "Ok, we've inspected, and have done our job, so go on with your life. Nobody's dying."

Yet.

That is the unspoken word and phrase I keep hearing to this day almost a month later, in my head.

I hate that the law and legal system has let me down. I hate more that they have let my patient down.

I hang my head in despair feeling like, "What am I doing here?"

"Am I really making a difference?"

I think I am but I'm not sure most days. Especially now. It appears that now that the home has been inspected and just pushed aside that maybe I was just exaggerating and I know deep inside I wasn't and am still not, but that's how it feels.

I will never know what it's like to have a disabled child. I have a healthy son.

I do know though how it is to take care of a disabled child and to have people think that she is my child, even the doctor's that see us. That I know more about her lifestyle and daily going ons, is sad.

If any one of you can give me some hope and tell me that what I'm doing is not in vain, I would greatly appreciate it.

I dread work more now than I ever did. I still love my job with her. Love my job as a nurse, but don't quite understand how to deal with the mother anymore.

Thank you again to Liv for hosting me anonymously. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have a place to come to.

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