Now to welcome our wonderful #AskAwayFriday hosts…
Tamara from Tamara Like Camera,
Tiffany from Mrs. Tee Love Life Laughter,
Christy from Uplifting Families,
Stacey from This Momma’s Ramblings
and
Amber from Bold Fit Mom
This week we welcome a brand new co-host, for the next two weeks, the amazing…Carol from Battered Hope!
Carol from Battered Hope is an author, public speaker, health coach and so much more. She shares all those sides of herself with you on her site. Carol is always willing to share her story and her encouragement with anyone who may need it because as she says, “If I Can Overcome Tragedies, So Can You.”
I have to say - this being my first time through - my favourite part of this week was getting to know the wonderful April Grant from the 100 lb Countdown. She has sooo many lovely posts and I read through quite a few. I know that she has three children, the last born in October 2013. She's currently at home with them and photos of them appear regularly on her blog. Make sure you take some time to check her site out! April also hosts an awesome linkup every Sunday so be sure and link up!
Here are the questions April had for me and my answers. To see the questions I asked her, head over to her blog!
What are three lessons that you learned from your marriage with your ex-husband?
That's a difficult question to answer - the marriage taught me so much about myself and what I was willing to accept.
- My children are the MOST important things in my life.
- No matter what my ex might think, I am not a doormat.
- The legal system is not set up to handle "families" in divorce situations. Divorce pits one person against the other, and families often just end up as collateral damage.
What are three lessons that you are learning with your current husband?
- Relationships aren't meant to be difficult if you're with the right person. If your relationship is a lot of work, you're doing it wrong.
- I am a sexy, smart, confident woman. I knew that before we got together - but he reminds me regularly.
- Marriage isn't a bad word.
What lessons do you want your children to learn before they leave the house?
- First and foremost - I want them to understand that their identity should be their own - it shouldn't be tied to who you are with someone else or who someone else thinks you should be.
- I want them to be independent and confident. I want them to travel the world and learn about different cultures and religions. I want them to know that they can rely on me - but also that they can rely on themselves.
- I want them to understand money and credit and most importantly - savings.
You said that you read a lot as a child, but you were unsure if it was because you just liked to read or you were put in a position to read a lot by your parents. What traits do you think you inherited by nurture? Which by nature?
Nature or nurture - how do you separate out the two? I know that I have my father's somewhat twisted sense of humour (probably nurture). Before the accident, I also had his gait (nature). I look very much like my mother (nature). But I'm incredibly tenacious (nurture?)
What three things would you suggest woman look for to avoid marrying someone like the Goblin King?
There were so many red flags when I look back. He couldn't pass a mirror without checking himself out. He didn't want to be seen with me in public if I wasn't at my best. He had an unusual attachment to his mother. He lied. A lot. I thought I had a good nose for the lies - but as I look back now and I'm not sure that anything he ever told me was true. It's a lot easier for me to tell now if he's lying (his lips are moving).
Most of all - I was just unhappy. Afraid of myself. All the time. And I thought it was all my fault.
My friends, my family - all saw the red flags. They all tried to point them out. But until I was ready to see them for myself, and for what they were, I was trapped by my rose coloured glasses. That's another thing I learned (going back to question number one) - unless you're willing to take the rose coloured glasses off, no one can tell you that your husband is an asshole. You really have to come to that realization on your own.
What's the biggest surprise you've ever received?
I must admit - I left this question to the last. I think the biggest surprise was not just that I could fall in love and would get married again - but that the man that I ended up marrying was in my life for over three years with little indication of the way it was going to turn out. It was a huge surprise to me that I could fall in love with someone who had been a part of my life for so long.
What traits do you see of yourself in each of your children? Which do you like? Which don't you like?
My son, Puck, is socially awkward like me. I hate it. I wish I could teach him to make friends easily - but as I have trouble doing it myself, it's hard to teach him. My husband is a lot bolder - and Puck seems to be learning from him.
Puck is also left handed (like me), and problem solves in a similar way to myself. We're both real out of the box thinkers.Flower has my temper. I've learned (after years with the Goblin King) to tame it - but she's struggling with it. We're working on it. She's also incredibly bright (like me), and is teaching herself to read. I'm sure that she'll be reading novels by Grade 2 like I was.
What was the hardest part about opening your heart up again?
It happened so quickly, it was like having someone take a bandaid off you while your eyes are closed. The realization that he was in love with me scared me to death. It took me some time to say it back to him. But when I did, I was sure that I meant it.
Since you are "that girl", are there any people that you feel you've really helped through the troublesome spots of marriage?
I don't know if I've helped anyone specifically with their marriage - but I have been a great resource for a couple of friends who have been thinking about or who have started the divorce process. Just having the knowledge of where to go and what steps need to be taken is helpful. Sometimes it also helps to have someone who has made it to the other side in one piece. Just to know it can be done. I didn't really have anyone who could guide me through and give me that advice so I'm happy to lend an ear or give a hand when needed.
Describe your perfect home... location and size too please!
Without revealing where I live now - I can say that it gets very, very cold in the winter. It does make me appreciate the summer weather a lot more - but truthfully, I could do without it. I would love to live somewhere that's warm all year. Not hot. Just warm. I have no specific destination in mind. Just temperate weather.
As to size - we upsized when hubs moved in - he's a big guy and brought a dog with him and my small condo just wasn't big enough. I'd need a place with at least four bedrooms and room for entertaining. I'd love a low maintenance fenced yard (not too big because I hate to mow) with lots of mature trees and a larger vegetable garden (ours is quite small). I'm not fussy on the inner fixings. As long as the kids have a toy room to their own that can't be seen by the general public, and it has a nice kitchen with room for the both of us to work in, I'd be just fine. I think I'd prefer a newer house to an older one (because it's too much work to upkeep an old one) - but have fantasized in the past about buying a century old home and fixing it up. I just don't think I have the whole "fix-it" bug in me and certainly couldn't do it if I was working full time (as I will be come the fall). If money were no object and I didn't have to go back to work, I'd consider it though.
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